Just kill them now and get it over with

And we're back. The first episode of season seven is finally here and what we got was a kind of a road map for the slow decent towards the inevitable bloodbath waiting for us when Game of Thrones finally wraps up. Dani is going to take back what's hers, Cersei will scheme in an attempt to prove she's the true hier to her father's legacy, Arya will kill everyone (except for when she stops for an Ed Sheeran concert), and Jon will continue to warn everyone to fear what's coming from North of the wall.


In the latest in a long line of scenes that involve the new head of House Stark pleading with people wrapped in furs, he extended his hand to the Wildlings (they get a castle by the sea), women (they get a sword), and the rebel houses that sided with Ramsay Bolton (they get to keep their houses). The scene is great. We get to see a Little Bear hack Captain Darling down to size, Sansa gets all bristly, and The Onion Knight once again shows that his default expression is worried with a side of resignation. But most interestingly, we get to meet Alys and Ned. The young heads of House Karstark and Umber are presented as babes in the wood as they step forward looking like children playing GoT dress-up. As he did with his brothers, at the Wall, and among the Wildlings, we get to see Jon making decisions that will put younglings in danger. He's obviously of the "if they can hold a sword they can swing it" school of leadership and while he gets points for sticking to his principals (or rather Ned Stark's principles) one thing I think we can all agree on is that Alys and Ned are now doomed.


Alys & Ned 

Don't bother learning our names...

Whether it's a vial of poison from Littlefinger, the cold hand of a White Walker, or a treacherous Lannister sword in the back, they're totally done for. Gone burgers. Dragon chum. Deady McDead-Face. If this was a show set aboard a 23rd century Star fleet vessel they'd be decked out in shirts coloured crimson, scarlet, or claret. Honestly, in ways more barbaric than anything dreamed up by Joss Whedon, there's nothing the show likes more than responding to moments of light and innocence by dowsing them in wildfire and watching them burn and as such, Alys and Ned are my top picks for the GoT deadpool.



Author: George Langlands

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